Monday, February 28, 2011

righteous frustration

It's difficult to separate things that I love to do from the things that I do well; one of the things that I love is doing things well. I feel pretty swell with every pat on the back, kind of like a dog (what an upsetting analogy), but have I grown accustomed to this satisfaction as the best that there is? Have I forgotten what it's like to feel the thrill of achieving something that's truly important to me?

It's difficult to re-evaluate every day what it is that I want and then compare it to what I have and what I could conceivably have. It's utterly exhausting, but I think it's the only way. Righteous frustration with where I am and where I am not is the fuel that can propel me toward my actual best case scenario.

The question is: What is my actual best case scenario? Am I living it? If not, is it even achievable at this point in my life? And finally, if it is within my grasp, of what do I need to let go in order to reach it?

2 comments:

  1. Careful, dear tablemate, not to let your heart confuse the desire to live abundantly with the desire to achieve for achievement's sake.

    Abundant living has many forms and shapes and sizes. It is definitely not a one-size-fits-all t-shirt that only fits the most over-sized and over-achieving among us. Rather it is discerning what brings you closer to the image of God created and living inside of you.

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  2. Thanks, Alaina.

    I think it's knowing that I've been created in the image of God, and desiring that to be the trajectory of my life that makes me careful not to ignore what might be inside me in favor of where I happen to be. I feel blessed to be aware of what I am and I don't want to waste anything that I've been given.

    With privilege comes responsibility, right? I think the saying should be "With privilege comes responsibility, and with responsibility comes anxiety." :) Juggling the three balls of gratitude, ambition, and discernment can be challenging, but I like it better than carrying the medicine ball of complacency.

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