a sigh of relief

i like to write.

writing helps me process things, to sort things that just muddle my thoughts. if you don't write, this probably doesn't make sense. how does writing down a thought make it more clear than just thinking it? i'm not sure, but i'm glad that it does, where would we be if no one had ever written down their thoughts? nowhere good, i assure you.

i sigh a sigh of relief because i journalled through college - getting my writing fix almost every night. since graduation, i have had a strange aversion to my journal, almost like the act belongs in a life past, and maybe it does. more likely than not, a season of journalling will return to me, but until then, i sigh because i will blog. here, i will write about the things that are shaping me, or even just irking me. i don't care if anyone reads it. actually, that's not entirely true because i am a bit vain and would like to think that people care about my thoughts, but this is truly more theraputic than anything else.

let me start by introducing my life as it stands at this very moment:

i graduated from college this past may (class of '08, baby). i have a BA in humanities. this major is appropriate to my personality- it is vague and covers a great variety of topics (english, history, philosophy, theology, art). no double major, emphasis or minor for me - a true problem with commitment. though this major was great fun and i would recommend it to anyone, it hasn't made me what one might call extraordinarily employable.

i live at home, though not entirely. it is home because it houses me, my parents, neices and always at least a couple of my siblings (most of us paying rent). it is not home because there are other places that are also home: my dear, sweet new hampshire, and the quaint hills of tennessee. even the spires of oxford, though i was there only a short time, still have a place inside of me. despite all of this, i embrace this home in which i find myself. carrboro, chapel hill, durham, nc - these places did not take long to show me their worth and i am happy to be here.

i was fired twice before some of my classmates found a job. at the times of these terminations, i was quite sad. in retrospect, i think i was most sad because i take great issue with people expressing disapproval regarding myself. i do, afterall, spend a great deal of energy to be well-liked. i certainly wasn't quite sad to lose either of the jobs - they were kinds of hateful places that were bad for my soul.

ironically, i now work a great deal. i have a full time office job at a publishing company in durham and a part-time table-waiting job at a restaurant in chapel hill. i enjoy it all - my work, my co-workers, my paychecks.

i sing in a band. we are oscar begat - me, my two older brothers, my dad, jay and chris. the family dynamic makes things interesting, and performing is one of my favorite things to do, so this part of my life certainly helps to keep things from getting dull.

i appreciate my church. it is a good church with good people and good intentions - a heart for social justice that i find refreshing. i have done my best to 'plug in'. i sing occasionally and have tried to be an academic tutor for the highschool students. i say i tried because i just recently gave it up after realizing that i had become an unreliable member of many things. i would rather be a solid member of a few things, so that is my latest campaign. it is a painful one because i do not like to quit things.

my best friends now are my family. that may sound sad, but it is not. there was a period (about the last 5 years) where my friends were my family because my family was far away. now, my friends are far away, and my family has become my friends. my life here is not remarkable, as i would like my life to be, but i do not think of leaving soon because i do not know for how long my family will be so conveniently centralized. i know that when this season of life is over, i will miss it forever. my family is not perfect, but we all try to love, and i find that inspirational.

well, that is all i have to say about that. there will be much more to come, but as an introductory blog, i think this will suffice. . .