I've not been a good synchroblogger lately. You may have noticed.
I just sat and reflected on why that might be. I'm in kind of a strange place in life, yes. My work is no longer confined be the hours of 9:00 and 5:00, yes. But, I don't think a changed schedule is it.
I'm learning a lot - about myself and about the community I live in. One would think that this would be great fodder for blog posts. I think that it will be. In the thick of it, I'm having a hard time drawing conclusions. I don't know what to think about the fact that I've been unemployed for over five months and have found myself in three different bands, a house church, owning a second house, designing, building, and launching a business, and constantly trying to fit other things into my life that will help me avoid getting another job where I feel unchallenged and unappreciated.
This is a lot. I'm growing and processing some things. My brain is just barely keeping up. And there's also that added guilt applied by the looks I get from people when I, the unemployed twenty-something, talk about being busy or not having time.
It's all mounting. It's been mounting for months. Slowly at first, but I feel it now. The pressure, the doubt, the expectation, the anticipation. I'm not sure how it will end - whether it will be in one moment where everything stops and life is suddenly calm, or whether it will gradually deflate like a balloon. Either way, I hope an implosion of the brain will not be involved.
This might all sound dramatic, and at times I feel the need for one of those splash-water-on-my-face-and-then-tell-my-reflection-in-a-bathroom-mirror-to-pull-it-together moments, but over all, I really can't complain. I don't want to, either. My life is so full that it's busting at the seams.
My biggest problem is myself. And though that should be glorious, it's kind of a tough one. It was easier when I had someone to blame for my life not being what I wanted, but when the only one responsible for my failure is me, the stakes become higher.
No matter what happens, the ride has been worth it. So, if at any point in the future I try to complain, send me back to this post.
This post was written as part of a blogging game. The players are The Creative Collective and the topic is A Record Scratch Moment. Click here to see what the others are saying.